Talking to Kids About Big Emotions: A Moms Guide

Talking to kids about big emotions can sometimes feel like you’re trying to untangle a ball of yarn in a windstorm. But whether you’re dealing with a toddler having a meltdown or a teenager who’s shut down completely, the same principles apply: they need to feel heard, safe, and supported as they navigate stress, fear, or sadness.

In this post, we’ll dive into how to talk to kids of all ages about their emotions—without sounding like you’re lecturing or offering a self-help book (unless, of course, they ask for one).

Start with a Casual Approach

The key to starting any conversation about emotions is to avoid the “serious talk” tone. Kids of all ages, whether they’re 3 or 13, don’t want to feel like they’re being “interrogated.” Keep things light and non-threatening.

Mom Tip:

• For little ones, you might say, “You seem upset, buddy. Want to tell me what happened?” Usually its something that seems so silly but for them its big, Letting them express it is the start of a good open relationship.

• For older kids or teens, you can go with something like, “You seemed a little off today. Want to talk about it?”

The more relaxed you are, the more likely they’ll open up without feeling like they’re in the principal’s office, or needing to tip toe around what they actually feel.

Normalize Emotions for Every Age

Young kids and teens alike need to hear that it’s okay to have big feelings, they are not crazy or wrong for having them. Expressing they will learn how to manage them better as you get older.

Mom Tip:

• For younger kids, you might say something like, “Everyone feels sad sometimes, even Mommy/Daddy!” or “It’s okay to be upset—let’s figure out what’s going on together"

• With older kids, let them know that everyone experiences stress, fear, or sadness, and it’s a normal part of life and we just continue to learn how to deal with them, even adults forget how to deal with them sometimes too and need to talk to someone about it.

The goal is for them to understand that they’re not “weird” for feeling overwhelmed, but that those feelings are temporary and manageable and you are there to help them through the every changing emotions.

Use Humor to Lighten the Mood

Humor is a great tool for making the conversation feel less heavy.

Mom Tip:

• For younger children, you could say something like, “I know that’s frustrating! When I can’t find my favorite coffee mug, I feel like I might just have a melt down too!”

  
  

• With teens, a little sarcasm when used kindly can go a long way, as long as they know you’re not minimizing their feelings. Something like "I totally get why that test stressed you out. I'm still recovering from my high school math trauma"

  
  

  A bit of humor can make the topic feel less intimidating and remind them that emotions, while real, aren’t the end of the world and we can laugh about them if that's how they need to get them out.

Validate Their Feelings – No Matter How Small They Seem

Young or old, every child’s emotions are important. When a child or teen shares their emotions, they need to feel heard—even if their struggle seems minor to us.

Mom Tip:

• For younger children, acknowledge what they’re going through: “I know you’re upset because your toy broke. That’s really frustrating!”

• For older kids and teens, say something like, “I get why you’d be stressed about that math test. It’s a big deal.” Validation makes them feel understood, which opens the door to better communication.

Validation builds trust and emotional security, making kids more likely to talk to you in the future.

Encourage Self-Expression Through Words, Art, or Movement

Not all kids express emotions through words. Some need movement, creativity, or quiet time and that's okay.

Mom Tip:

• For younger kids who might not have the language to express how they’re feeling, encourage them to draw, play, or act out what’s going on inside. “Can you show me what ‘sad’ feels like by drawing a picture? Or act out what ‘angry’ looks like with your toys?”

  
  

• With older kids, encourage them to talk or write it out: “Maybe journaling will help you sort through those thoughts,” or “Want to vent to me about that school project?”

It’s all about finding a channel for them to release those emotions in a way that feels comfortable. Some phycologist recommend playing is the best way for a therapy talk, they naturally open up more when they are physically active.

Give Them Tools for Coping

Kids need tools to handle big emotions in a healthy way. When they’re overwhelmed or acting out, guide them through simple techniques:

Mom Tip:

• For younger children, you might teach them simple things like deep breathing (“Let’s pretend we’re blowing up a big balloon and taking a big breath in!”). Offering a comfort item, stuffed animal, blanket or a favorite toy ca be soothing.

• For teens, you might suggest journaling, listening to music, or even going for a walk outside to clear their heads and calm down.

Showing and teaching them that there are practical ways to calm down will help them manage their emotions, whether they’re 4 or 14.

Be a Role Model for Emotional Regulation

The best way to teach kids how to handle their emotions is by showing them. Whether you’re navigating your own stress at work, fear of a big change, or frustration over something small, let your kids see you handle those emotions.

For example:

• If you’re feeling anxious, you might say, “I’m feeling a little nervous about this meeting, but I’m going to take a few deep breaths and try to stay calm.” When they see you practice what you preach, they’re more likely to follow suit. Like I always say "Monkey see, monkey do."

Be Patient – Growth Takes Time

For younger kids, emotions can be intense but fleeting. For teens, it can feel like the world is ending with every new stressor. It can take time to get through to them, especially if they’re more private about their feelings as most are. It is still important to try and let them know you are there and they can come to you.

Either way, it takes time for them to develop emotional awareness and resilience.

Try this : “I’m here whenever you’re ready. No rush.”

Seriously don’t give up. Keep those channels of communication open. Let them know that even if they don’t want to talk right away, you’re still there, ready to listen when they are because teens tend to get lost in those emotions but knowing you still have someone there makes a big difference

In Conclusion...

Whether your child is 3 or 13, big emotions are something everyone experiences. Your job is to create a safe space for them to explore their feelings and help them develop the tools to cope. By staying calm, validating their experiences, and using humor, you can turn tough emotional moments into opportunities for growth.

Plus, remember: you don’t have to have all the answers—sometimes, just being there and showing them that their emotions matter is the best support you can offer.

And hey, if all else fails, you can always joke that “having feelings” is just part of the human experience—and make a few extra trips to the ice cream store.

What’s your go-to strategy for helping your kids navigate big emotions? Share your experiences and tips in the comments—I’d love to hear from you!

Journaling and keeping track of kids emotions helped me greatly, thats why I created this printable for other moms just like me trying to juggle it all!